I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
