and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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