i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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