bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
