I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
