I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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