i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
