Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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