When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
