Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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