Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
