just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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