I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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