But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
