i jhust puked up my retainher.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
