i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize