I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize