Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize