I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
