my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
