Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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