Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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