Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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