We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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