if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
