u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
