He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
