Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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