I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
