I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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