Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
