omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
