idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize