My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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