Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
