Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
