do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
