i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
