I'm lost and stupid without you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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