I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
