Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
