I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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