that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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