i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
