I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
