I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
