I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
