I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
