I think my vagina is haunted
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
