3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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