Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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