dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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