This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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