it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
