i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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