He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
