Yo dont text me then not text me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
