I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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