Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
