i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You made out with two different species that night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I want is dick and wine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
