need another drink. this is the easiest way
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
