How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
