so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
