i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize