Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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