How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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