Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You left your phone here
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