its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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